>management roller coaster

>many times i have mentioned this: i hate management.

but i don’t really get it, my grades is like a freakin’ roller coaster. we just had our fifth exam this morning, and it’s a quantitative kind of a test (inventory control and design capacity), so i was honestly confident about it. i got my grades just this after, and i got 110 out of 110 points.

but here’s a break down of the four other exams:

exam…………………………my score…………………….class average

1st exam……………………62 / 80…………………………….70

2nd exam…………………..83 / 90…………………………….78

3rd exam……………………69 / 90……………………………78

4th exam……………………78 / 110…………………………..92

so far, i have a high A, a low A, a high C and two low Cs. good thing i write pretty good papers, 40 out of 40 points, and a good research, 100 out of 100. my weighted average right now is 87% (class average of 85%) which is a B.

management gives me a headache….

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>i surrender

>has anyone here every felt that everything seems to be okay, that somehow you are pretty darn sure of what’s happening but when you make that one seemingly unimportant decision, it blows up your face?

no, that’s no rhetorical question, i’m actually asking. e-mail me or post a comment or something, i wanna know.

i think i just gave up on love. i sense eyes rolling. careful, i’ll take them out with a dull knife.

the romantic in me just died. when i say romantic, i don’t mean roses on valentine’s day, or cooking breakfast for your significant other. i mean a person who believes that the greatest human experiences are not summed up in great achievements and recognition but by emotions and intense feelings that defy logic. i used to be a romantic. i doubt it now.

i have drowned myself with all the make-me-feel-good songs – from jLo’s feeling so good to sara evan’s perfect but nothing works. i buried myself in pages and pages of hawthorne’s the scarlet letter and wasted hours playing pokemon with my gameboy, still, i feel sad.

no, i’m pass sad. i’m fuckin’ pissed off.

i thought love can go beyond borders, go over seas and oceans, fly across the blue sky, but love goddam stinks in the end. maybe ally was right, we settle for the one near to us rather than look for the someone in our dreams. settling is not bad, ain’t it? why look for someone who is not real?

give me a week, i’ll probably retract everything i said here. but right now, i need to blow off some steam.

>a.w.o.l.

>i won’t be here for a while, it’s spring break and i’m gonna spend the week with my brothers and my sis in my dad’s place. i might also go up the ranch, i heard cousins dan and meg are there with their kansas friends.

but of course, i won’t leave without telling a story 🙂

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creepy as it may sound, but i’m beginning to like country music. when i say country music, i mean COUNTRY music. not jewel-, dixie chicks- or sheryl crow-country, but brad paisley-, keith urban-, sara evans-country!

here’s a preview of the country music that doesn’t make it to asia, see left panels for you’ll think of me by urban.

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the last week of classes before the break was kinda great. everything was fine, i even enjoyed my management classes. my very last class, managerial accounting, i ended up staying a bit later. i waited til the teacher dismissed the class, and that’s when i asked her a question about budgets. anyway, we had a pretty long discussion about it and left her in the classroom feeling contented with her answers. she certainly knows her accounting!

well, i was e-mailing with bibba through my phone that time and told her about it. at aba, she asked me if i was arguing with my teacher! i was like… like… see, i’m out of words! kiko? out of words? HA! anyway, sent a text message to everyone here (everyone = rey and ate in), asking them if kiko is synonymous to argument. rey gave me a sensible reply: kiko, you are not synonymous to argument. kiko defines argument.

i rest my case.

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was able to call up my mom last saturday night during work. i called some time earlier that week but she asked me to call her again on a sunday in calingatan so i could talk to my inay. so i did and to my surprise, everyone was there!

my cousin ralph picked up. my mom told me he’s graduating from grade school already. and then i talked to inay first since i’m here paboritong apo, HAHAHA! that’s how my cousins call me after i was spending so much time with her before going here to the US, and that’s after the mc donald’s ad. then, my favorite cousin, ate juliet, picked up and was asking if i could swing by canada this coming december since she’ll be there for a vacation (she’s living in london). even my cousin ate ella was there, she went home for her daughter’s graduation from high school. then, mom told me about my cousin michael’s wedding. i was a bit surprised and blown away since he’s only twenty. but hey, that’s his life.

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monday early morning was a bit bad though. as much as i want to talk about it, i just won’t. funny how bibba was able to sense it right away, considering she has no idea what it is about. ate in wants to ask about it, but she knows better than asking me about something i don’t want to talk about. same goes with leo.

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it has been a topsy-turvy weekend, a roller coaster of feeling elated and shitty. but at least i’m going to see my bros and my sis later tonight, hopefully that would cheer me up.

sigh… never felt so fucked up.

>last night, i was in a threesome

>i don’t think i have shown any appreciation to most of my friends. i mean, i don’t think they are aware of how much they mean to me, just mainly i don’t tell them. i just hope that when words fail me, and taken aside my cold-hearted facade, they would feel and know how much they are wanted.

drama mode [on]

yesterday, i sent rey a text message asking him if i could call that night, just because. i don’t know if rey has any idea how i worry about him so much, and i always tell ate i.n that. me and ate talk every night, so i’m pretty aware of what’s going on with her. unlike rey, we text everyday but that’s about it. even if he’s doing ok, i do not know that. i worry because something might be worrying him. maybe it’s the chismoso in me, or the intrimitida in me, but i can only be calm if i know everybody i care about is safe.

so that night, i called up ate, i told her to call up rey and we had our threesome. we slept with all three phones connected.

>memories

>hbo was showing dare devil last month. a particular scene made me remember my lavoxa days.

deejay is one funny guy. he is an ex-marine so anything he touches could be a weapon. he even showed me how a five-peso bill can be a weapon! we were making jokes one day (as any other day in lavoxa) that he would be in a mission, and his superior would give him a paper clip while riding a plane or a chopper or whatever, and his superior would tell him, “survive” and pushes him off the plane. from there rooted sooo many jokes, and one of them is people being scared of him because he has a paper clip. people screaming “get out of the way, deej is here WITH A PAPER CLIP, AHHHH!”.

then come dare devil. there is this scene where bullseye, played by colin farrel (or is farell?), uses a paper clip to kill this fat guy.

what a rip-off! deej, you should be compensated.

>survey

>was checking out my friendster account and saw rey’s latest bulletin. he claims he got bored. well, i’m making the same claim.

INSTRUCTIONS: write the first thing that comes into your mind when you read these words:

coffee = i need more.

yellow = pikachu

pillow = drool stains

britney = in her see through daimond encrusted suit dancing on all fours.

jLo = green versace dress

pink = believe it or not, pikachu

Josh Hartnett = that girl who was also in A Knight’s Tale

Tom Welling = Somebody save me…

popcorn = yuck.

summer = lemery

winter = snow

spring = spring break!

autumn = pumpkins

lamer = lamer? what’s lamer?

Raymond = debra

Utt = ten (read that again)

party = rave

S.H.E = stockholders’ equity

memories = cats. not cats cats, but the play cats. isabelle i think was the name of that cat who sang memories

sushi = sashimi

neo-prints = neo-pets

Sorry = is all that you can’t say…

enemy = i am everyone’s nyahahahahaha!

dog = hate them

country = pinas

love = love, love, ULUL!

gf’s ex = not quite enough compared to me, nyahahaha!

liars = beware

Sean Paul = jamaican ladies shakin’ their asses

WWE = fake

jealousy = wasted emotions

bed = got room for one more -> rey’s answer, i concur!

clubbing = peppers in pueblo, rumbays in springs

Angel = me. don’t you laugh. i mean it. hell, i said stop it!

thanksgiving = poor indians, they didn’t know what’s going to happen next

aloha = white beaches

marina = rayearth

sex = what’s that?!

criticism = KIKO! -> rey’s answer. i am deeply touched… down there.

jokes = RYAN ANGELA DIMAYUGA – rey’s answer (again). i reckon.

traitor = that girl in the apprentice

sports = sweat

cuba = cigars

marriage = see “sex”

fire = shield

ice = tokiya mikigami

ballpen = parker

college = csu-pueblo

post-its = not quite enough