Day 08 – Last Day in School

I’m doing the Fifteen Day Challenge – click here to read original post and view the list of fifteen challenges.

It was mid-December in 2005 and I was sick as a dog. I have probably the worst case of tonsilitis that year, so bad I have a fever and could not speak much. The very last day of school, I was packing as much as I could because that’s when I moved east to NY 🙂 I was so excited about moving to New York, I was not gonna let my unhealthy body stop me.

Day 07 – Wanted: Pets

I’m doing the Fifteen Day Challenge – click here to read original post and view the list of fifteen challenges.

If I could own any animal as a pet, I’d have a cheetah. I will name her Ashmira. And will be trained to act like a domesticated cat. Ever notice how small a cheetah’s head is relative to its aerodynamic lithe body?

Also notice that they have “tear marks” – which I think makes them look adorable.

And if you were a child of the 80s, then you definitely remember Cheetara of the Thundercats 🙂

Day 06 – Cherished Memory

I’m doing the Fifteen Day Challenge – click here to read original post and view the list of fifteen challenges.

I grew up in a city that did not have a mall. And the nearest mall is several cities away, roughly an hour and a half of driving – longer if you take the bus to commute. I just turned eight, and I received a Gameboy several months after my birthday. I was so happy despite the fact that I can not play with it without any game cartridges. My mom wasn’t aware of it since she thought it was just like a Game & Watch that only has one game preloaded in the device.

I was okay with it, I was a spoiled child but I was not a brat. I was well-behaved, never gave my Mom any headaches and I told her I can wait for the game. I, of course, was really happy and giddy and could not contain myself.

I do not know what it was – guilt? Boredom? Maybe she just geniuniely wants me to be happy, but my mom told me to get dressed and hop in the car. It was late, approaching 8:00 at night, and malls tend to close around 9:00 back then. But Mom drove me to the mall. I fell asleep in the car, and when I woke up, I realized we were heading back home already. It was pass 10:00 at night, and Mom apologized saying we had to turn back because the mall was closed already when we got there.

I was very young then, and I never learned the gravity of that event until I was old enough to realize how not all mothers would do that for their children. But I knew this much – I had to remember that moment because there was something I could not understand happening, and I wanted to know what that is.

Day 05 – Quotable Quotes

I’m doing the Fifteen Day Challenge – click here to read original post and view the list of fifteen challenges.

I typically write down quotes I like. If you look at my daily planners, you’d find lines from songs, movies and tv shows.

I still have my 2001 planner and took a peek inside and found the quotes below:

If you think back, and replay your year – if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted. – John “The Biscuit” Cage

Anybody else watched Ally McBeal? I used to be crazy for that show. I think I had my life lessons through this show instead of actually experiencing life during my formative years.

The darkness that engulfs you now is as intense as the light that awaits you.

It’s a shame I didn’t write down who said that. But I did doodle a candle next to the quote. I can’t believe I was so optimistic when I was younger, ha ha! I think growing up has made me look at the glass half empty.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope. – Helen Keller

Now THAT is optimism. Keller had everything taken away from her by fate, but she soldiered on. I think I need to rethink my half empty glass disposition!

This hell from which you have come out is the first step towards heaven. – Victor Hugo

There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. – Victor Hugo

From Les Miserarbles. Read the book, saw the musical more than once, saw the movie. And Hugo’s work was dumbed down from one medium to the next. If you have the time and the patience, read the novel. It’s one of the best reads I’ve ever done.

I watched Five Minutes Pass by in an Hour; (or Day 03 – Trust)

I’m doing the Fifteen Day Challenge – click here to read original post and view the list of fifteen challenges.
I’m pretty much aware that I was supposed to do this daily – but life got in the way, so sorry.

Six years and some months ago, I felt the familiar wave of loneliness crashing in. But unlike the rapid torrential collision of a wave, loneliness tends to be in slow motion. It’s like watching five minutes pass by but feels like an hour.
That known feeling is here again. I feel lonely.
I’ve been seeing the same guy for the past three years now. It was fun, most of the time, with hiccups here and there and until recently, late last year, was when the first real blow to the relationship was felt. This led to me talking to my mom and dad – two people I never talk to regarding relationships mainly because they were not able to keep theirs. My blueprint was a mess, and I’ve always blamed that whenever I see the flaws in the architecture of my relationships. Needless to say, their words of support and advice was a big help, and that was able to make me realize that what my boyfriend and I have going on is fixable. Three months after the break up, we got back together, and things are probably better than they were before.
Why am I lonely then? Eight million people in this metropolis, and being in a relationship – one would think I should be far from feeling alone. I wake up every morning in a bed devoid of companionship, a very bad start of a reminder of being alone. A 45-minute commute to work among strangers. An 8-hour day of pushing papers and staring at numbers. After work, I see my boyfriend briefly – because he has to meet someone, or got other plans, or just have to go home. He’s substantially became my drug – those few hours of taking the edge off, but trying not to be totally dependent on it because it will be taken away from me shortly. Sic transit gloria mundi. Then I head back home again to a bed fit for one.
I wish the solution is easy: meet new friends, get in touch with old ones, live together with the boyfriend. Simple answers but they only relieve the symptoms of loneliness. And I finally found the reason why I feel alone: it’s because I lost myself.
Close friends know me as someone who is very sure of my steps, someone confident with every action I make, someone positive with his every choice. This is what I lost, my self-assurance. I lost this when the walls I built over time around me came crashing down when I realized I was lied to, by many people, most of them I hold closest to me. It is bad enough I lost trust on people I love, but I also realize that I also cannot trust myself. I’d like to think that anyone who spent a lot of time reinforcing the fortresses around their hearts would agree with me that it’s not easy to let someone in because we know what it was like when we were hurt before.
So that’s where I stand – acknowledging the fact that I am a work-in-progress. I understand that I can still build a wall, but not forget a door might be needed.