Growing up an only child, you basically grow accustomed to being alone. This did not bode well when I first started going to school and my first reaction as I was surrounded by tens of kids my age was “Who are these kids?” and “Please don’t talk to me, I’m reading the newspaper and I’m really interested on how this upcoming local election is going to make changes in my neighborhood.” At 21, I first met my 7 year old brother who’s first line to me was “I love rocks” and I had to learn how to share almost everything. I was impaired. So naturally, when I found someone I want to be with, I cling on like a barnacle.
My boyfriend and I do not live together. I made it a point that we see each other almost everyday. I don’t know if this is a “rule” but Andy has always tried his best to comply. This is why when I found out that he’s going to Japan, I almost flipped out. We were with his friends having drinks, and in public – so I did my best to compose myself.
Andy and his best bud took off for Japan Thursday. They had a morning flight from Newark, so I skipped the send-off. Before his flight took off, he gave a quick call to say bye and then that’s when it started – the dread of knowing I won’t see him for the next ten days.
Don’t get me wrong, we’ve been apart many times – the only main difference really is I’m the one who takes off. I just don’t know how to prepare myself as the one “left behind”. The only comparable trip I can think of is when I went home to the Philippines, and I was gone for ten days as well. And even when I’m gone, I try to find ways to shoot a BBM or a Facebook chat – which is extremely hard when you’re in a third world country and the only WiFi I get is from the mall.
I actually weighed myself – we’ve been in this health kick and been going to the gym five to six times a week and I’ve lost a few pounds already. Have not yet decided if it was because of the spin classes, or the depression that suppresses my appetite.
I’ve been trying to preoccupy myself. Fortunately, same day Andy left, was a company dinner. Nothing helps to forget like good food and alcohol.
The following night was fairly the same – good food and drinks. I had dinner at a raw food place, Rawlicious, down in SoHo near my job. I actually saw a college friend of mine. We were together during a trip in DC (fully documented here). Ever since, Natasha has been living in Las Vegas, and if you need a make-up artist, you should really get in touch with her because she’s fucking amazing.
I brought Natasha along to see my two friends slash coworkers Lindsay and Nikki. We go to this Russian bar Pravda, which I think has been decided as our watering hole whenever Nikki is in town. So it was me and three fine ladies – it was a typical girls’ night out, I guess. Talked shit about work, and about boyfriends/husbands/fiances over vodka martinis.
Lindsay, Natasha and I eventually head out to the East Village for more drinks while Nikki was picked up by our friend Rachel and they head uptown.
I spent my Saturday with my best bud Ryan. She wanted to go to a Monet exhibit that we thought was in Governors Island – we spent a day there not finding the damn exhibit because it was in the New York Botanical Gardens up in the Bronx. I honestly had a good time, and for a while, I forgot about Andy. Ryan and I tend to be stupid silly when we’re together, throw in a camera in the mix and the silliness is exponentially increased.
Sunday was particularly quiet. I went to the gym because I promised Andy I’d go even when he’s not around. It was weird though, because when he’s next to me in a spin class, we can laugh and talk about the characters in the gym. But now, spinning by myself – if I see something funny, I look stupid and creepy smiling by myself.
Had a quick brunch, and even went to church. I haven’t talked to God in a while.
I got gutsy and tried to get in touch with Andy’s brother and sister. I was going to shop for Andy’s birthday gift and I wanted their opinion. I had his brother’s number from an old resume, and his sister’s e-mail from a Netflix account. I never heard back from neither. Not sure anyway if I got the right contacts. But still, a part of me was hoping to hear back. They’re the two people that are closest that I could be with Andy. And it’s not like I can just show up in their place in Astoria. It’s just disheartening. It’s one of those I have yet to process, though I’m sure they too are still digesting the fact that I’ve been dating their brother for almost five years now. Insert *sigh* here.