A Better Man

Over the weekend, I went to a live taping of Professor Blastoff – a podcast hosted by Tig Notaro, with David Huntsberger, Kyle Dunnigan and Aaron Burrell. It was fun, it was Tig’s first show since she moved here in New York, and after a series of very very unfortunate events. Their special guest was Ira Glass of This American Life. I actually have never seen him live, and it’s a shame I don’t listen to the weekly podcast considering it’s free. Side note: subscribing now.

Glass told a story about this lady who is very liberal politically who happens to have a Republican friend. She told Ira that she really like this person but she was having a hard time reconciling his beliefs with hers especially on social issues. She was considering cutting him off from her life because of their differences.
When Ira presented this to us, he said we can easily dismiss her as a nutjob, that she was somebody who is basically an extremist. But he also presented the opposite – which is he’s just a pussy. That he is okay knowing somebody he likes has a very different view than him, and he has no urge to “convert” them.
It’s all relative. It really is. If I tell a friend I have doubts about my relationship, I am usually greeted by horror. I never really thought of doubt as a bad thing. I just never believed in blind faith. It seems reckless to do that. I prefer having doubts and questioning the validity of something like my relationship. Because questioning it makes me look for answers, and there is comfort in answers.
That being said, like any relationship, it is never smooth sailing. I really wish I have more people to talk to about it, but most of the times I find myself staring at an empty space and talking to myself. The best arguments and discussions I ever had are usually with myself. A break up, as viable as an option as it is, is not something I consider because I think finding a better man is a quick fix. Being a better one is a more substantial course, despite how much harder it is.
I do worry that people think this is me settling. I think there’s a line between that, and finding a compromise. But every now and then – you list down the things you have compromised for and wonder if you should be getting more than what you have now.

But you can see it my eyes, you can read on my lips
I’m trying to get a hold on this
And I really mean it this time
And you know it’s such a trip
Don’t get me started
I’m trying to get a hold on this.

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