Forty Days and 40 Nights

Updates during Lent

I moved to the US around July 2002, which makes 40 Days and 40 Nights probably one of the movies I last saw in the Philippines. IMDB says about the movie:

After a brutal breakup, a young man vows to stay celibate during the 40 days of Lent, but finds the girl of his dreams and is unable to do anything about it.

I can totally relate to that. Except I didn’t have a break. And the young man is youngish. I wasn’t celibate. And change “girl” to “iPod”.

For Lent this year, I gave up my iPod. I’m almost positive this is not the first time I’ve done it. But I have the newest iPod at the moment, with a camera and can do Instagram, and has Vine. It’s harder to let go of this iPod, and I find myself constantly looking for WiFi hotspots when I’m out ad about the city. Also, I discovered podcasts, and I’ve spent hours and hours of listening to comedians talk about mundane everyday stuff, of catching up with the news by watching Rachel Maddow’s previous night’s episode that I can never catch live on tv, of being mesmerized by Ira Glass’ voice. I know they are hungry kids in Africa, and somebody is probably being molested at this very moment, but I am not thinking of either when I say I don’t think I can’t live with my iPod and giving it up for forty days and forty nights is probably gonna be hard. But I did it, come Ash Wednesday morning, I got a cross on my forehead and I turned off my iPod.

I use my iPod primarily for tuning out everyone for my 45-minute commute in the subway. It’s a good way to remove yourself from the time and space continuum – swipe your Metrocard, hop on the M or the R train, drown myself to a podcast, then POOF, it’s been 45 minutes and it’s time to get off the train. Without it, I had no idea how to kill time in the train.

I ended up reading for the most of the time. I really can’t read and listen to my iPod, so the intellectual hobby of reading was let go in favor of chatter of funny people. And I realized how much I do love reading. I used to say I love bookstores and libraries because it’s filled with knowledge I do not know and ideas I’ve never thought of, and I like physical books bound in paper and I like surrounding myself in my room with them because these are the tangible evidence of the knowledge I do know and ideas I have thought of. Luckily, I have a mom and a dad that are both readers.

So here I am now, Easter morning, roughly six weeks after I washed the ash off my forehead – I turned on my iPod and was inundated with software and app updates. I clicked Update All, grabbed my phone and fired up my Kindle app and continued reading The Shining which I am reading for the first time.

books books books

Want to know what I fear? People thinking I’m stupid. If you want to insult me, go for my intellect. But be warned, you have to good with your arguments, I don’t hold back when someone tries to back me in a corner.

This is a reason why I love bookstores. This is one place that literally holds an inventory of things I do not know. Well, that’s one reason – another is my weird love for self-loathing. I also like to keep my books – because this is my own inventory of what I do know.

i ♥ ny

on the M

Sitting between the sea and the buildings
He enjoyed painting the sea’s portrait.
But just as children imagine a prayer
Is merely silence, he expected his subject
To rush up the sand, and, seizing a brush,
Plaster its own portrait on the canvas.

So there was never any paint on his canvas
Until the people who lived in the buildings
Put him to work. “Try using the brush
As a means to an end. Select, for a portrait,
Something less angry and large, and more subject
To a painter’s moods, or perhaps, to a prayer.”

— from The Painter, John Ashbery

you will buy this book

anne rice is back!!! and she’s writing about christ the lord — when he was seven. that was actually the first line in the book: i was seven years old.

by this time, if you have read at least two of her books, you’d know that rice likes to write in the first person perspective. this is no exception. it is the seven year old jesus talking in the book. and it is soooo cool, if you know your ancient history and theology.

the first time jesus mentioned joseph, he had to explain why he call him joseph rather than father. he is his father on the account he married his mother, but he was taught to call him joseph despite of this marriage. and he clearly said: i didn’t know why. yes, a not all-knowing jesus! ain’t that something?

breezed through the first five chapters last night, they are already in jerusalem after their seven-year stay in alexandria (a seven year old jesus, stayed in alexandria for seven years AFTER their escape from herod in bethlehem. and he is still unaware of the circumstances!), and he just met cousin john bar zeccariah (saint john the baptist!).

christ the lord: out of egypt

day two in school

i must say i enjoyed my first day back in school. still feeling intoxicated just thinking about yesterday being the first day of my last semester.
was in school pretty early to buy books, anticipating the long line. there was no line to talk about. i was in and out in less than five minutes… that didn’t sound right. i’m not like that in bed. i don’t want to digress. saw a friend of mine, nasarin, on her way in as i go out the bookstore, she’s taking eighteen credit hours! i don’t know how she’s gonna do it… income tax, audit, CPA law, cost, advanced and one business management class – all in the same semester! i handed her a noose. saw david – er, his name is patrick, i just keep calling him david because he looks like my other friend, david keplinger, (he just had his second book published! google his name) – too, so the three of us ended up yapping about summer and what to expect. me, being ahead of them two dished out what to expect from the professors i know that they are having this fall. thirty til class, we parted: nasarin to buy her books, david slash patrick to buy a tag for his car and me to the business school. saw debra, but i didn’t want to shout out her name, so i tried walking up to her, but damn she has long legs, couldn’t keep up, haha! she passed by the other building (i bet to get her schedule) so i thought i’d just wait for her in class. we always sit next to each other, because she has very intelligent questions that make me think. saw daniella, she is still goddam-oh-la-la hot. not to sound like a pig, but i don’t mind having an eye candy in class you can rest and feast your eyes on every now and then. first class was advanced accounting and had this little game (corny), the prof handed out index cards with accounting definitions and accounting terms and we just need to find our match. i ended up with javan. i’ve always thought he was an ass, but he’s from california, that explains everything. talked about summer, and it sounded like he had a blast. went to hawaii, stayed there for three months! got a job there in a resto in his second day which helped him with his stay there. he’s back in colorado but he still wears his hawaiin print board shorts. my painting class lasted for about two minutes. maya handed me the syllabus and told me to leave, haha! she said we’re big boys and girls now, being advanced painters and we only need to touch base with her every now and then.

today was kinda iffy though. i dunno this sanchez guy teaching, only he’s from boulder – or at least his MFA is – and he’s wearing a suit in this smoldering heat. i hope this class is not a total bore considering it’s an hour and a half long… but then again he said he doesn’t mind if we do our reading in class or bring our sketch books if we want to make ideas for our own work. that kinda helps since my advanced painting class is closely tied to contemporary arts. and i suck in contemporary arts. got out early today. yee-haw.

okay, i’m getting out of here, i’m hungry and they just opened this little coffee shop in the ground floor of the library. i hope they have good coffee here.

as i stand here on my children’s grave

i did not know why i was out in the ocean, sailing my sweet christine. all i knew back then was i had to sail. and there i saw him, half dead. why are you out here, my michael. i gave you your breath back, you lived because i willed such. and now i am bound to hurt you again, as i have done that christmas eve.

i am the thirteenth, the strongest in this twisted lineage of powerful witches. from the time suzanne called out to my lasher – my lover and my son – to that fateful christmas, my family’s genes crossed between strangers and cousins and fathers and daughters. oh, oncle julien, why? why did you do this? you only made powerful witches, and the more powerful, the more crazy they seem. am i the same?

i was the one who brought lasher back to flesh, as he had predicted when suzanne called him into existence. i was the doorway. i was the one who can kill without even my knowledge. and somehow, being a neurosurgeon did not absolve me of my sins. i called lasher that night. and he was born a man. i bled. i almost died. i had to take him away from him, before my husband finds us. but i was too late, or michael came early rather, i do not know. i had to take him away. that is my sin. pride. but i can’t destroy this creature, my son, my lover, a taltos. i have to know what makes him different from us! but my sin brought this great tragedy to my family of witches. aunt gifford, forgive me. many mayfairs i do not even know about. all died of miscarriage, as my son rampaged every single one of them, hoping to find a powerful witch strong enough to carry a child. another taltos. my emaleth, my daughter from my son. how i wished you lived long enough to know you and love you as i have loved my lasher.

but you left me half dead, the way i first met michael. i hear people, see them, but i can’t find the strength to move my limbs. emaleth, you almost killed your mother! i was lucky enough to find my way back to first street – in the house michael revived from its dismal state. so did lasher. that sweet scent. i knew you were near. so did mona. all mayfair witches knew you were nearby by the account of your scent. by my michael cannot bear to see you, lasher. you knew what would happen. you always did. so why did you stay in michael’s presence? you knew he will use a hammer to break your still soft skull. i am almost certain michael aimed at the fontanel – where you are most vulnerable. you should have stayed away from us, lasher. you should have.

so how did i wake from my vegetative state? my emaleth came. she ran her long thin fingers through my hair. i loved your scent. almost as sweet as your brother’s, your father’s. you gave me the milk from your breasts. so sweet. it was ecstatic. i wonder if lasher felt the same when he drank from me.

but i cannot let you live, my daughter. i just can’t let you. i am only sorry that i had to take your life the way michael took lasher’s. and just as michael did with lasher’s body, i dug a grave by the pool, next to your brother.

now, i am back in my michael’s arms. and i am scared of what i have to do. i have to go after the men who killed aaron.